Nicola Mannering

A friend and I were discussing our relationships with ourselves and with others, and what projections we might be making that could be holding us back from realizing our full potential. I was musing about the fact that I could never understand why my husband often could not hear me, especially when it came to some things that were very important to me. It took me years to figure out that he was simply a mirror and that at times, I was not listening to my inner voice, allowing it to go utterly unheard! My friend had recently separated from a several-year relationship and was commenting on the puzzling pattern that had emerged for her once again. She noted that at a recent meeting with her ex she had felt criticized and belittled. She had maintained silence, but the following day had defended her position, yet again feeling hurt and wrongly read.

We discussed how she might be holding an attitude of criticism toward herself – something most of us seem to do frequently – without being fully aware of it. From what she had said, it seemed her inner male voice was continuously critical and harsh. She had thought the problem was her inner feminine. However it was the opposite situation that caught my attention. We talked about her father, and how he had responded to her as a child. And what do you know! He was often critical and rejected her opinions and ideas. He was also often distant and appeared uncaring! It was not that he meant to be this way. Most likely it was a mimicking of some relationship in his own distant childhood.

This is what my friend had learned about the masculine. This modelling is what she had drawn into her masculine archetype. And lo! It was being mirrored back to her in each of her relationships. Old conditioning, old modelling, no longer useful, but now brought to the light to be forgiven and released. It was a huge ah-hah, and immediately she knew what she would do to help heal the situation.

She would hold a ceremony of acknowledgement and thanks for the old, along with a letting-go. Then she would plan for a different focus on a newly appropriate role model for the masculine within.

We are all peeling back the layers now and allowing the light in, as the cleansing energies of the new age make themselves felt in every aspect of our lives.

A friend and I were discussing our relationships with ourselves and with others, and what projections we might be making that could be holding us back from realizing our full potential. I was musing about the fact that I could never understand why my husband often could not hear me, especially when it came to some things that were very important to me. It took me years to figure out that he was simply a mirror and that at times, I was not listening to my inner voice, allowing it to go utterly unheard! My friend had recently separated from a several-year relationship and was commenting on the puzzling pattern that had emerged for her once again. She noted that at a recent meeting with her ex she had felt criticized and belittled. She had maintained silence, but the following day had defended her position, yet again feeling hurt and wrongly read.

We discussed how she might be holding an attitude of criticism toward herself – something most of us seem to do frequently – without being fully aware of it. From what she had said, it seemed her inner male voice was continuously critical and harsh. She had thought the problem was her inner feminine. However it was the opposite situation that caught my attention. We talked about her father, and how he had responded to her as a child. And what do you know! He was often critical and rejected her opinions and ideas. He was also often distant and appeared uncaring! It was not that he meant to be this way. Most likely it was a mimicking of some relationship in his own distant childhood.

This is what my friend had learned about the masculine. This modelling is what she had drawn into her masculine archetype. And lo! It was being mirrored back to her in each of her relationships. Old conditioning, old modelling, no longer useful, but now brought to the light to be forgiven and released. It was a huge ah-hah, and immediately she knew what she would do to help heal the situation.

She would hold a ceremony of acknowledgement and thanks for the old, along with a letting-go. Then she would plan for a different focus on a newly appropriate role model for the masculine within.

We are all peeling back the layers now and allowing the light in, as the cleansing energies of the new age make themselves felt in every aspect of our lives.

Life is a bit like a stack of pancakes, all of a similar flavour. As I understand it, we pretty much have a main theme each lifetime that we are working with. We draw to us (usually we’re not aware of this) situations with a similar flavour or theme, to help us clear this particular thing. It keeps on happening until we understand it is for healing, nothing to do with anyone else really, but to help us.

The top pancake (situation) is the one we see that has done the damage. But this is only the latest in the stack, even though it is apparently the most painful. This one is just a replay of a major wound, probably from our childhood, or from a previous life or lives, or both.

If, for instance, we are devastated by a loved partner leaving us, most likely, we will have had love withdrawn from us as a child - maybe one major event, or lots of small ones - or both. Not only was love perhaps withdrawn, but there could also have been anger - none of which was anything we did – it was not our fault, and we weren’t to blame. Most likely it was our mother or father who withdrew love, or both. They probably came up against a situation and they just couldn’t cope - very likely a re-run of their own childhood.

So we naturally looked to our parents as our source of love, just as plants look to the sun. And suddenly, love is withdrawn. Then grief and fear is deeply experienced and not understood, because we are too young to understand why this terrible thing could happen! On top of that we learn anger, because anger is there too, and it’s being used to mask the grief. We see it going on, so we learn to do it too. We all learn these things by osmosis.

So now there is a pattern set - of the withdrawal of love, unbearable pain and grief, and then anger. We were dependent on our parents’ love then. We were too young to realize that we are the source of love. We were dependent on someone else for it.

If we go back even further, we would find that our soul chose these particular parents for this particular lesson, this particular set of conditioning, so that we could unravel it when we are ready - undo it, forgive it, cleanse it, and turn it back into love. This is our task.

There are many ways we can do emotional clearing work - the Journey, EFT, Avatar, and others. The cancer my body has, is most likely a manifestation of emotional patterns stored in the subtle bodies for so long, it finally became crystallized in the physical. It’s part of my work for this lifetime. I take full responsibility for it. Even if I don’t “cure” it in the physical, just realizing how it came about, and approaching it with love and compassion, is healing. What we’re doing is transmuting. All situations are a test in the art of transmutation into forgiveness, healing, and love.

Doubt is one of the things I struggle with the very most! It is often ‘on top’ for me. I always considered it to be an important part of the discriminative process – “should I be doing this? Is it right to be saying this?” I thought this questioning was all part of a ‘healthy’ dialogue which would eventually lead to making sound decisions about the way I think or act.

And, in my experience, this internal dialogue finds a way of creeping in at any given opportunity!

But doubt is never experienced by the silent heart!

Doubt is a function of the ego mind. The ego, in order to exist, needs us either to think we are special, so that we become clouded with what the Tibetan calls “glamour”, thus separating ourselves from others, or to think that we are in some way not good enough, so that guilt and doubt arise in our mind.

Doubt is a close friend and ally of guilt. In fact, doubt is a way the ego mind can take us into guilt. We wonder if what we are doing is right, good enough, useful enough, and so on, and then the mind slips right on into guilt – maybe this really is not good enough, maybe I’ve been too over the top, etc., etc. Guilt and doubt are both perfect opportunities for the ego to attack.

Because today I have been attacking myself with doubt, I decided the sensible thing to do would be to look at what A Course in Miracles had to say about it. I found no reference to doubt*, but I went to Chapter Twelve – The Problem of Guilt. As always, the Course went to the very core of the issue of that which lies behind guilt.

First, we must assume, or recognize ourselves, to be the silent heart or the soul, or as A Course of Miracles says, a Son of God. This is the phrase that is used in the book to describe our true Self. The rest we must assume is illusion, and belongs to the world of bodies (form). The ego thought system of course, resides in the latter.

In reality, a Son of God is never guilty, therefore there is no need for doubt!

And so we experience the pull of two forces – the one being the Real – that is, the pull of Source, calling us to return, and the other – the pull of the ego, insisting that we are guilty, in order that the ego can survive. This pull of two forces creates a deep and painful split.

We can either reside in the silent heart, or we can be in guilt, but never at the same time. We cannot believe the two ideas at once. We can choose to identify with either the concept of the Son of God and sinlessness, or with the concept of the ego mind. Both are concepts still, because the mind exists in the phenomenal world (the world of form). However, when we pass beyond the mind and into the silent heart, here we find the guiltless Son of God resides, and has always done so.

*A friend has just informed me that there are many references to doubt throughout the Course, since she has the Ken Wapnick Glossary-Index for A Course in Miracles, and is able to look up terms and references. I will get a copy!

My friend, Debby, came with us to the Hopi. She would come sometimes in the evenings to the channellings with White Cloud. William would arrive, barefooted, all smiles, with some news of what White Cloud had recently told him, and so we would gather round my room, and chat for a while. Then William would settle on his cushion and prepare to leave the body. We would close our eyes, and White Cloud would arrive with a sharp intake of breath. Suddenly, there he was, in William’s body! It was quite uncanny. His expression – even his eyes – would change! We would be greeted warmly with, “Wahonay, wahonay!” It was always such a joy to see him!

We would ask questions about certain personal challenges, or about absent loved ones. He would make jokes and tell us about random things. He would explain patiently to us how the plants and rocks all knew us, and were aware – that they are brothers and sisters, and that we always need to ask permission to pick, or take them. He spoke of the four-legged people, and the two-winged people, also our brothers. And of Grandfather Sun, and Grandmother Moon, also our relatives. Then he would talk about the Hopi crystal, and how it could be returned. Or he would just look at us with a long, quizzical gaze, and with plenty of love. We never minded if there was no talking. It was simply a joy to sit together!

So, one day, close to the time we were planning to leave for the Hopi, I told Debby of our plans – where we would go after the crystal had been returned – the places we hoped to visit – Sedona, the Grand Canyon, New Mexico, and so on. “Oh, “ she exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “All places I wanted to visit two years ago!” She had been there with her son, but needed to return earlier than expected because her beloved sister had fallen ill. So I said, “Why don’t you come with us?” At that stage, our little band was just William, Little Pocket, and myself. Soon before we were to leave, William became unwell, and was unable to come, much to our great disappointment, and so it remained just three.

Debby was a godsend! She was to drive us everywhere, tirelessly. She and Little Pocket were an indefatigable team. I was simply the passenger. In the month we spent in the United States, we covered much ground and had many, very beautiful – extraordinary, even – experiences. Debby remains a close and loyal friend. She is wise and generous, and open to life’s experiences in a most remarkable way. And she is simply unstoppable!

Little Pocket insisted that she come to America with me to return the crystal to the Hopi People. That was just over two years ago. She was eighteen then. “I can carry the bags and look after you, Mum.” And she did! She also became chief navigator, because she was unaccountably fast at deciphering the complicated roadmap we took everywhere. And she has an impeccable memory. “We turned left here, so we need to make a right, and turn off at that roundabout,” she would say definitively, and she was always right! She is sharp as a pin!

And she made me laugh in the most inappropriate places, and not just a little, but until my sides almost split! It was great medicine.

Tonight, my twenty-one-year-old daughter, Little Pocket, phoned. “Mum,” she said, “I’ve got a breast-lump.” My heart stopped for a moment. “I’ve been to the doctor and she’s sending me to the specialist.” I remained calm. “It’s just the body,” I told myself. I asked her questions. “How soon can they get you in? Will they do a mammogram?” “No,” she said, “a fine needle aspiration.” I told her I would make some calls first thing in the morning to find out more, and that we would fly her down to Nelson if it would be quicker. Whatever could be done.

Little Pocket is her Native American name. Her given name is Anna. White Cloud, our Assinboine, out-of-the-body friend, had told her she used to be a healer, and she always wore a little bag with her crystals and stones in it around her neck. So everyone called her Little Pocket. When White Cloud told her this, she reminded me that even as a five-year-old, she would spend most of her pocket money buying little chips of crystals and semi-precious stones. And she kept them in a little draw-string bag. She still has it!

Technorati Tags: Breast Cancer, Breast Lump, Cancer, Daughter, Fine Needle Aspiration, Mammogram

The Shadow

“Have you ever watched the shadow of a tree against the backdrop of a wall? You can see the pale silhouette in all its beauty, in its grace, bending and swaying in the wind, the fine tracery of the leaves playing to and fro with the light. It has its own delicate beauty.

But it is not the tree. It is only the two dimensional reflection of this beautiful specimen which, in reality, is full of colour, and detail, and depth. This is how it is with the personality – that which we see, reflecting the soul on the outer planes, in the world.

The soul is the Real and the personality is the reflection. The shadow has its beauty, but the tree has dimensionality and power. The shadow bends and sways but ultimately, this movement is only a reflection of the movement of soul and spirit.”

(Author)

One morning on waking I saw the dawning sun shining through a tall, and very lovely Eucalyptus tree that stands opposite my house. It was casting a beautiful shadow on the wall of the house behind. I was fascinated by the gentle play of light and shadow created on the flat wall, and sat watching it for a time. Then gently, a feeling of love and knowing came over me, and I realized what this little panorama was saying!

The personality, the form, cannot exist in the world without the soul and spirit, just as it would be impossible for the shadow to be seen without the tree and the sun. The soul and spirit is invisible to us, and therefore we mistake the shadow for the real. But the shadow is the illusion, however beautiful it may appear. It is moved by the soul and spirit, and nothing we achieve in the world can be realized without this prime force. If we can learn to see beyond the shadow, into the real world of soul and spirit, we will begin to see and understand true causation, the Oneness behind it all.

Specialness

We had begun to talk about specialness and separation as being necessary for the ego’s very survival! Why would this be so? We can see that the ego needs us to think that we are somehow different and unique, one-of-a-kind. Otherwise, who are we? Joe Blog? (Ooops, sorry!)

In A Course in Miracles, the ego is talked about as a thought system, even though it is made totally clear that it is one that has no substance in reality. But because we are still functioning within this thought system, we use the language of the ego to describe what we create with the ego construct, and how we can undo this construct.

Although we begin to see through the ways the mind creates the ego well before, it is not until the fifth initiation is taken that all traces of this system are dismantled and we become free of the limitation. The fifth initiation is, or will be, our step into mastery. This is when we become a so-called perfected human. Whatever I write about is still from the consciousness limitations of the ego system, so please forgive the distortions that these limitations inevitably bring to my attempts to unravel the ego system! And after all, FORGIVENESS is the very key to this unravelling! More about that later…

In the meantime, we are all of us, always simply talking to ourselves, though it appears we are talking with others! So this is my attempt to clarify for myself how my mind creates and then believes in the ego, and how I can undo the mind’s machinations!

Let’s look at specialness. We all feel special from time to time, and we have been taught to think and believe that we are. We see that we are all different, with our diverse skills and interests, and our own ‘unique’ way of viewing and experiencing the world. And we all have our own set of unique foibles and weaknesses. But this way of seeing things is the mind’s learned behaviour, and if we are to dismantle the system of the ego, we will need to see beyond this.

These ideas of specialness are what keep us separated in this world of illusion. In reality, we are all the silent heart, we are cells in one ‘body’, so to speak, and our true selves are one at this level. All else is illusion and causes suffering in the ego mind. In order to connect beyond the ego construct, we need to understand that each one of us is simply an expression of the same divinity, caught up in the thought of being human, of being a body.

A friend’s response to the interpretation I gave of the piece that came to me –

“At its silent heart,

Its silent speech is nothing –

Not even a whisper.”

(Author)

was that the ‘poem’ couldn’t be about the ego, because the ego was separate from this silent heart. “This silent heart is the true self,” she said, “and not the ego.” I had written, “Clearly this [poem] is a reference to the ego.” So when she said that, I had a sudden thought – “Oh! I’ve made a mistake!”

Then, what seemed to me to be the truth of it, unfolded gently in my mind.

The reason why it was given in this way is because, in reality, the ego does not even exist. To think of the ego as being one thing, and the “silent heart” another, is to make the ego real, and give it an identity outside our true identity – the silent heart.

This is to give the ego credence and character, which it truly does not have. It actually is an illusion, and within, or perhaps it would be clearer to say beyond, that illusion lies the silent heart, which is the actual truth of the ego. The ego itself is nothing!

The reason why it seems to exist to us is because we give it power with the mind. We believe it to be real, and this is how we appear to make it so! All we have to do is change our mind!

This is the work of undoing as described in A Course in Miracles. This is the purpose of the exercises given to expose, or to undo, our habitual thinking which creates the system of the ego.

Once we realize the ego is truly created by the mind, then we understand that it is within our power to change this, and undo the seemingly incredibly strong hold the ego has on us. This takes concentration and mindfulness. We must constantly monitor our thoughts, and our understanding – our awareness.

In our minds we must strengthen the awareness that we are not separate from anything or anyone. That concept is the ego’s concept, because the ego wants us to believe that we are somehow special. This is another of the Course’s main teaching methods – to bring us to the realization of the unreality of separation and specialness.

The ego does not just want us to believe that we are somehow special, and different from others, it actually needs us to keep believing this. Otherwise it has no hold on us! When we realize that we are not separate or different, then we begin to unravel the illusion, and with that, we can unravel the power the mind has given to the concept of the separate ego. In this unravelling lies our salvation.